Info: Babywearing

When I was pregnant, I envisioned a baby who lies quietly in his crib, watching the world go by. He would be cooing and smiling at the cute mobile dangling from the crib, entertaining himself while I go about my household chores, run on the treadmill to get rid of the baby fat, cook, eat or watch TV. From time to time I’d look to see how he’s doing, if he’d fallen asleep or if his diapers need changing. He’d only need to be picked up during bathing and feeding time, or when I feel like playing with him. This wasn’t just wishful thinking – this was exactly how my nephew spent his first few months of his life. He’d literally protested when picked up from his bed and preferred to be left alone. When he was bigger, my brother and his wife just put Baby Einstein DVDs on in front of him and left him in the room – he ended up learning his letters as well as hand signals all on his own when he was about two years old.

Unfortunately, the baby I gave birth to had an entirely different idea.

Jojo was a high-need baby who always wanted close contact with someone, anyone. Partly I blamed my mother and mother-in-law for always cuddling and holding him right after he was born, even though he wasn’t crying or fussing. When he was a fresh newborn, he was content to sleep almost all the time. One of the grandmas would peek at the sleeping Jojo, sighed at how cute he was and decided to carry and rock him anyway just so they can feel his baby skin and inhale his baby smell. I was convinced that Jojo had been attracted by what Indonesians say “the smell of the arms”, meaning he’s addicted to being carried in someone’s arms all the time. Being a clueless new mother, I just let them be. Then the grandmothers went back to their hometowns, and I was left with a baby that wanted to be carried all the time and rocked to sleep. Bugger.

But then again, it also could be the smell of my own arms, since I breastfed him on demand – the demand that came every 30 to 45 minutes. Maybe he’s used to being in my arms that he just wanted to stay there indefinitely. He also liked to be rocked to sleep after breastfeeding, so I ended up carrying him for over an hour at a time. I put him down after he fell asleep, but he took only short naps and would be awaken in 20-30 minutes because he wet his diapers or because he felt the absence of rocking arms. Once when Jojo was about two months old, he wanted to be picked up from the crib and I tried to refuse and let him “self-settle”. I stood by the crib, tried to soothe him by talking and singing and pointing out his toys. He ended up crying for nearly 45 minutes, I couldn’t stand the anxiety and finally picked him up and apologized profusely to him. He fell asleep instantly in my arms, exhausted. Being the wuss that I was, I gave in and just gave in to carrying and holding Jojo whenever he wanted to be carried or held.

So at any given day you might find me at home with Jojo in my arms (awake or asleep), while trying to do stuff around the house as well. AND hoping that I would lose weight sometime during the process. Strollers didn’t work at all for Jojo because he couldn’t see me or hubby pushing the stroller behind him, plus he had no close contact. We only used the stroller to put Jojo on after he fell asleep when we were out somewhere.

But apparently, it’s a good thing nowadays to carry your baby anywhere. It’s a part of the Attachment Parenting school of child raising. “Carried babies cry less, as if they forget to fuss. Besides being happier, carried babies develop better, possibly because the energy they would have wasted on crying is diverted into growth.” (The Baby Book: Everything You Need To Know About Your Baby – From Birth to Age Two, William Sears & Martha Sears, 1st edition, 1993, page 7). The book explained further that babywearing organizes and regulates the baby, reduces crying and colic, enhances learning and parent-infant bonding, and makes life easier for busy  parents. Now it is recommended to wear your baby while you do your daily activities, and only put the baby down when he/she is sleeping or when you need to attend to do your own personal needs.

Well, I definitely wasn’t planning to babywear. But since I had to, I’m glad that it has so many benefits. And true enough, Jojo was happy when he’s carried or held. He very seldom cried as I was in tune with what he needs. The downside was that babywearing left very little time for the “wearer”, namely the mother. I had to plan very carefully for each moment that I wanted to spend alone. Taking a long shower that included hair-washing and nail-clipping must be planned in accordance with what time hubby came home from work and baby’s nap time. Cooking and eating must be done within a certain time bracket after

It wasn’t easy to balance an infant in your arms with your daily activities. Sometimes it was okay to do things with one hand (it’s amazing how fast you develop the necessary skill of eating with only one hand), but at other times you really need both of your hands. Once I scalded one hand when I was pouring hot water from an almost empty kettle while holding Jojo with the other hand, and the lid jumped and a few drops of hot water fell onto my hand which was still holding the kettle. That was very stupid of me of course, NEVER deal with hot water while you’re holding a baby – better let the baby cry for a while from a safe distance!

So I used the following tools to make my life a bit easier:

1. Traditional batik sling

A batik sling is basically just a long piece of fabric in batik pattern. According to Indonesian grandmothers everywhere, this is the coolest fabric for a baby. The long end can be used to fan or shield the baby. My mother and mother-in-law both swore by this sling but I wasn’t very confident using it as there is no buckle or snap to secure the ends, you’re just supposed to twist the fabric together on the nape of your neck or at the shoulder area. When the baby is very young, you always need one hand to support the baby’s neck. Later on, you can carry the baby in a sitting position at the front or at the back. Even to the present day you can see a lot of mothers in the rural areas or in cities all over Indonesia carrying babies using the colorful batik sling, and at baby stores this traditional batik sling still ranked high as a gift item for newborns, along with talcum powder and baby oil.

2. The modern cloth sling with ring fastener

Basically this is just the slightly more modern version of the traditional batik sling, using more fashionable fabric as well as ring fastener. You still need one hand to support a young baby, but the sling is securely fastened near your shoulder. This was the sling I used the most when Jojo was an infant, Jojo could even sleep almost horizontally across my upper stomach as I go to and fro with one hand supporting his neck. As with the batik sling, the disadvantage was that the mother carries the weight of the baby on one shoulder only, so after a few month I ended up with a very sore right shoulder. Nowadays there are a myriad of options for this type of sling, so many different brands, fabric, model and sizes to chose from.

3. Baby wrap

Baby wrap was quite the trend around the time Jojo was born. It’s basically a really long fabric in stretchy material that you wrap around yourself as tight as possible in a certain way so that the baby can rest securely on your chest like a baby kangaroo inside its mother’s pouch, and your two arms are free to do whatever. Later on, when the baby is bigger, you can change the wrapping style so that the baby can be carried in a sitting position. I got mine as a gift, but I didn’t really enjoy wearing a wrap because it’s too damn hot for me. It’s like wearing a tight sweater everywhere you go, which isn’t that suitable for the tropical island where I live.

4. Baby carriers

Baby carriers are ergonomic, durable but can be quite pricey. I used a few unbranded carriers for some time (hand-me-downs and gifts from friends) but most of them were difficult to put on or take off and put a strain on both shoulders. So I browsed and bought Beco Gemini baby carrier, quite expensive but really worth it. For trekking and outdoor activities, we use Deuter Kid Comfort baby carrier. I think if your baby prefers close contact like mine, it’s better to invest on really good quality baby carriers that can make your life so much easier and less painful. Take good care of it, and later on you can sell it again on local baby forums.

Just to conclude, each baby is unique. Whether yours wants to be held all the time like mine, or is happier when left alone, it’s best to suit the parenting style according to the baby’s needs and personality. And make sure you have a support system to enable you to still be yourself every once in a while. If your baby likes to be carried, better invest in a good quality tool to make your life easier.